Saturday, December 27, 2008

moments in the morning...

I feel like I'm waltzing through a fictional story where the plot continues to thicken, and the scenes are changing too rapidly for me to keep up with. As I flip through the chapters, searching for any kind of foreshadowing, I can't seem to find which page to turn to. I keep hoping that the next paragraph will have me reading that my rent is still due on the first, i'll walk down the street to get coffee in the morning, i'll run my usual route up and down and all around Belmont Blvd., I'll go to work, have all of my friends at my fingertips, and I'll continue to enjoy my favorite luxuries (such as my beloved kombucha tea). However, the rising action only has me in disbelief as I stare at photos of my new apartment in Seoul, the school where I'll be teaching, and a collection smiling Korean children. I'm starting to have my randomfreakoutcryingmooshmyfaceinapillow moments that are coupled with bouts of ridiculous excitement. It is a weird place to be in as I vacillate between such extreme highs and lows. Yet, I'm refusing to let myself drown in an emotional muddle. As the days quickly count themselves down, I'm trying to do anything that will contribute to having the best day of my life, everyday. I refuse to leave with having a single regret and therefore I have been doing anything that I would have previously held back; it has been unnerving but wildly refreshing. People in my life need to know that they have value... that they are amazing... that I admire them... and that I think the way light and warmth radiate from their hearts is beautiful. Through this process, my pride has become a little black and blue, but my heart feels as though it is beating through an endless cadence of euphoria. This isn't to say that I've left all of caution, I have only acted through certain situations where normally I would have been too scared and too shy. This is my life that I have been so richly blessed with and while everyday is a chance to add another page to my autobiography, I will not let my story be anticlimactic.

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