Tuesday, October 28, 2008

morning moping.

i haven't written in six months. obviously. there are moments when i feel prompted by a spark of motivation to type up something read-worthy; however, i only get left with a half-dozen or so half-assed and half-written attempts. as i usually write in every sporadic blog entry, i am SERIOUSLY going to make more of an effort to update fractures of my daily journeys. i also blame my barren blog due to the recent death of my computer's enter button. May it rest in peace...and may you, dear reader, get through my long, chunk of a post. Much of what i write, whether it be in blog form, a letter, a journal entry or even a silly note-i rely heavily on spacing. there is something oddly comforting to me when i write and i can consistently break-up a page rather than fully commit to an adequately sized paragraph. there have definitely been a few interesting changes in my life-some exciting and some not so exciting. wor⋅ry
   /ˈwɜri, ˈwʌri/
verb, -ried, -ry⋅ing, noun, plural -ries.
–verb (used without object)
1. to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret.
2. to move with effort: an old car worrying uphill.
–verb (used with object)
3. to torment with cares, anxieties, etc.; trouble; plague.
4. to seize, esp. by the throat, with the teeth and shake or mangle, as one animal does another.
5. to harass by repeated biting, snapping, etc.
–noun
6. a worried condition or feeling; uneasiness or anxiety.
7. a cause of uneasiness or anxiety; trouble.
8. act of worrying.
9. Fox Hunting. the action of the hounds in tearing to pieces the carcass of a fox.
—Verb phrase
10. worry along or through, Informal. to progress or succeed by constant effort, despite difficulty: to worry through an intolerable situation. (I hate not having a functioning enter button!) i wake up and everyday begins the same: my feet shuffle over to my coffee pot and i begin to prepare my internal alarm clock. the extremities of my body function on auto pilot since my brain has not plugged in the wires that connect them. when my coffee is finished, my hands automatically know the correct ratio of rice milk to swirl into the mug. i silently hope that my "borrowed" internet will grant me connection and i jump from site to site, slowly waking up. Then it happens... yesterdays worries flood my mind and my heart rate rapidly increases. The chair creaks from my shifting and squirming and i try to find anything to distract me from yesterdays mistakes... yesterdays shouldn't-have-saids... and yesterdays wish-i-would-have-saids. As the sun comes up, I peel my banana down and quickly my blood sugar spikes from the fruit's high glycemic index. the sugar pairs with the acidity of the coffee and endorphins flood my bloodstream. a calming blanket drapes over my shivering nerves; i wrap myself in it's warmth. bliss conquers worry and my anxiety transitions to thankfulness. i'm reminded, every morning as i'm given a new sunrise, that i'm ridiculously lucky and overwhelmingly blessed. then i decide... every day... over and over and over again... today will be the best day of my life.

2 comments:

Olive Anne said...

we miss you patty

Anonymous said...

It took me a while to search online, only your site open up the fully details, bookmarked and thanks again.

- Laura